04 Dec You Can’t Fix Money Problems With Money
“Not having enough money is not your biggest problem”.
This was a recent rant of mine on a social media site.
Then I really got passionate: “Quit telling yourself your problem is money. You’re ripping yourself off. And, diminishing your own worth when you believe that life is less rich because you don’t have the money. “
I rarely share such strong opinions publicly. As soon as I finished writing, a voice in my head immediately said, “Well what about the single moms?” A fear moved through me. I didn’t want to diminish or invalidate the fact that not having enough money is stressful for many people.
And hey, I’ve been there. My husband and I have both been self employed for pretty much our entire marriage. Our income dropped at least 50% the year that we bought our first home (within a couple of months of moving in, the transmission in the car blew, the hot water tank burst and the vacuum cleaner kind of exploded!).
Within minutes of posting my money rant, sure enough, a comment came in from a single mom. She pointed out the times where she had to say no to activities that her kids wanted to participate in because she didn’t have enough money. My heart went out to her. If I were in her place, I could imagine the impact of not having enough money to give her children the things that she wanted to would be hard to bare.
Let these words be my letter of compassion to the single mom and all of us out there who still struggle with anxiety around finances.
The very moment when our fear and helplessness hits us the hardest regarding money, can be our moment of freedom.
Little Girl: “Mommy, I want to take Gymnastics!”
Mom: “I’m afraid that we can’t because we don’t have enough money”.
Mother’s inner world:Feelings: fear, sadness, shame, helplessness
Perceptions: My child won’t have as many opportunities in life because I can’t afford to give her gymnastics and French lessons
- She may not be able to reach her potential.
- I am a bad mother.
- I am an inadequate person
- I’m not worthy.
Now is when you have to move your body (preferably put on your favourite tune), eat your favourite food, go for a walk in your favourite place, put some makeup on, and say to yourself:
Because my emotions are overwhelming me, I am distorting the information!
Truth: My daughter won’t have the SAME opportunities that she would have had if she had been in gymnastics and in French.
TRUTH: Not being in gymnastics and French can never DIMINISH the ULTIMATE NUMBER of opportunities that my daughter has to live a fulfilling life.
TRUTH: My daughter as a strong and powerful spiritual being has an opportunity to experience the grace of an intricately perfectly ordered universe. She is meant to contribute to our world. She will be given the opportunities divinely ordered for her. I don’t know what they are ahead of time and don’t need to know for them to exist.
LIE: I am a bad mother
TRUTH: My daughter will have an opportunity to observe hard work, the value of a dollar and the power of love at work in a home where money is not the answer to all of our problems.
TRUTH: I am not a bad mother, but thinking that I am inevitably has a negative impact on my daughter.
When I feel guilt and how I see the world and our opportunities is anchored in that place, I become needy and helpless and look for acknowledgement in the wrong places. Could my neediness be impacting my daughter more than our lack of money?
TRUTH: There are more things that I am doing well here, than I give myself credit for. When I don’t acknowledge my successes, I don’t feel confident and that energy impacts our home.
CAN’T CONTROL: We don’t have enough money for gymnastics.
Can Control: The way that I see myself, the possibilities and hopes that I hold for my daughter and our family, the emotions that my perceptions generate and most of all our overall sense of dignity (which is not based on MONEY!!!).
Freedom equals taking responsibility for the impact that not having enough money has on you. When you do that, you feel rich no matter how much money you have